


To Chase the Shadows Away

by RamaMind



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Death, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:14:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5611846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RamaMind/pseuds/RamaMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Battle is won, and Poe spends his days watching over Finn, waiting for him to wake up. But as Finn's wounds heal each day, Poe's less visible ones don't seem to get any better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm stormpilot trash and I'm loving it, hell yess. I wanted to write something short around 2k pages but that actually would require me being a person with self restraint and hahahahah nope.
> 
> Lot's of Poe brain on this one, also lots of Leia because she is the best space mom ever.

Poe smiled fondly, and it took him a minute to catch himself doing it. Finn lied in his sterile infirmary bed, resting, the rhythmic beeps of the machines chasing away the silence of the night. His wounds were severe, but he was healing. He was going to pull through. Poe _knew_ that. It was just about waiting. He let his smile widen, there was no reason to keep that smile to himself. Finn was going to be alright. He was a good, a damn good man. He patted Finn's shoulder, a gentle squeeze that lingered with affection -because why not?- and left. As he reached the door, he caught a glimpse of a frail figure leaning on the hallway, midnight shadows covering it. But as the figure sensed the intrusion, it composed itself, standing tall not in height but stature, confident fingers wiping red rimmed, yet resolute eyes.

 

“General Organa -I'm sorry I didn't mean-” Poe stammered as her form came into light, but her face tinged with that warmth he had come secretly to rely on.

 

“Nonsense” She waved him off as she walked towards him, holding a folder under her arm. But he still couldn't help but to look concerned; thing that General Organa obviously could see. “Memories. They have a way to sneak on you. Doesn't do much good to dwell on them though.”

 

Poe nodded, but his face remained tense as his eyes couldn't, wouldn't stare into hers. But she only gave him a quizzical, almost demanding rise of the brow, and there was not much Poe could do.

 

“It has only been five days. It is completely understandable -And if you'd like to take a couple of days off no one -” She cut him of with a dismissive wave of the hand. Poe seriously considered he might have crossed a line.

 

“I don't work like that” She shook her head, a gleam of vulnerability in her eyes. “I can't. I have to keep going. If I don't then...” She finished the sentence with a non-committal shrug. “I've been at this for a long, long time _Little Poe,_ I can manage.” She walked past him, entirely composed, as if what he saw in the shadows had been a trick of the light. She turned around, and placed her hand on his back. “But thanks for worrying. You have always been a sweet _kid_.” She smirked _,_ the word kid both deeply affectionate and teasing from her lips, as she used to.

 

“Well, I do care for you Ma'am” He shot back his disarming smile, to what the General could only reply with a little huff and a smile of her own. He watched her enter the infirmary, and he was left alone in the hallway.

 

Ever since he was a kid, he has heard the stories about Princess Leia Organa from his parents. And ever since then, he had wanted to marry her. That was no longer the case, and the stories, as fantastical and exciting they were, didn't live up to get to see her in person. She was a walking legend. But she was still human, and the pain he saw for a moment so real it frightened him. Could a person fight for that long; should a person fight for that long? Why would a person keep fighting when there was no end, and tragedy came flooding again and again? Han Solo was a good man, a damn good man, and now he was gone, and General Organa had to keep fighting on. Would she have to keep going until she fell dead too?

 

Poe realized his hand was shaking, and he willed himself to snap out of it. They were rare, those moments where he could only see darkness; when his mind would yell in despair at him that this was all for naught. But he could walk it off, he had always have; he wasn't going to give up.

 

But ever since Kylo Ren cracked open his mind, tearing and shredding his memories apart, he could still feel the shadows lingering on the back of his head. Poe Dameron shook his head and walked off to the chill night, knowing that this was going to be another restless one.

 

*****

 

The machine beeped softly, as it did every day. Every night. It's rhythm practically unchangeable, although Poe had become adept enough with its sounds to know when Finn's hearth quickened and calmed. All within parameters, they said. The machine continued to beep as it had done for over a week, but with each day Poe hated the sound more and more. He'd stare at it, intensely, as it goading it to diverge. His eyes were bloodshot, and sunken on deep dark circles, the blue lights of the machine casting an eerie look on his features. So when Jessika Pava called to him in the death of the night, she practically flinched at seeing him so haggard.

 

“Come on, I can't look that bad” He said, charmingly still, and she gave him a kind smile in return.

 

“When was the last time you slept Dameron? You look like bantha shit.” Her tone betrayed her worry as she sat besides him. “He'll be fine.” She rested her eyes on Finn; he still looked serene. She had came to look for Poe here a couple of times already, she herself had came to see Finn others. If he hadn't broke Dameron out- She didn't want to think about that. They all owed him a lot.

 

Poe stared back at Finn, but his sight quickly returned to the machine. He truly did look tired. He remained silent still, and Jessika knew something was truly amiss. “Come, I'll watch over him if you want, get some rest.”

 

“No” Poe answered coldly without looking at her. He looked tense, strung. She stared at him for a while, but he kept still, coiled up. She sighed, resigned. This could not go any longer, giving him space wasn't working. “You can't let _him_ control you. You got out.”

 

“Finn got me out.” Poe sighed, so tired it might have been a yawn. “Look what he did to him. He cut him and burned him. He's a monster.” Poe spat, but the surge of shame quickly rushed to his face. He was so tired. “I see him at night, in my head. He was in there, Jessika, he's still in here every time I close my eyes.” He looked away, face red with shame.

 

Jessika nodded, her hand resting timidly on Poe's shoulder. “I- I don't think anyone knows what's to- what's to be fucked over like that. But I know, you are the toughest of us.” She squeezed her fingers on the fabric of his shirt. “You'll get through this Dameron. I _know_.” And maybe it was her conviction, or that he actually believed it himself a little, that he smiled in return.

 

“I _am_ Poe Dameron.” He agreed.

 

*****

 

“ _Take care of Dad, you know how he gets.”_

 

“ _I will Mom, I will.”_

 

_Her hands are already cold, and her smile fades with her warmth. He tries to not to cry, to be strong, but he starts to shake. From the insides out, as if he is crumbling to pieces, But he doesn't cry. Even as her hair starts to fall and her mouth opens on a grimace of horror, as flies and spiders crawl from her mouth and her rotten flesh falls from her bones and..._

 

Poe jolted awake, heart beating uncontrollably, pounding on his ears. He could almost smell the rotten flesh- But that never happened. That wasn't real. Shera Bey died in her bed, peacefully, looking through the window at the tree she and her husband had planted outside their house. The tree she was buried beneath. These weren't memories, these were nightmares. Conjured in his mind by _him_.

 

He cursed and got off the bed, the sheets drenched with his own sweat. He looked at the clock. 4:08 a.m. He had barely slept two hours. He still felt like shit. Poe heard the sound of worried beeping come through his comm.

 

“I'm fine BB-8. I'm just going to take a shower. It's too damn hot.”

 

The beeping answered, accusatory.

 

“Everything is fine. Look, there's no point coming down here. I'm fine.” The beeping answered with what could only mean a sigh and went silent. Poe stared at the wall for fifteen minutes before going to the lockers for a shower.

 

When he entered the infirmary, he was surprised to see General Organa standing over a bed, a nurse next to her. They were talking in hushed tones, the dim lights barely showing their features. Then the nurse powered off the assistance machine. For a moment Poe's heart raced. _Finn?_. But he was on the other side of the room. He was still alive.

 

General Organa sighed heavily, and pulled the sheet over the young man's face.

 

“General, don't worry. Doctor Kalonia can take care of informing their next of kin.” The nurse said, but the General shook her head.

 

“Thanks dear, but it's my responsibility and it has been for almost forty years. It doesn't get easier, that's for sure. But it matters.” Poe wanted to tail back before he was seen, but it was too late. The General's haunted eyes fell on him, and in her face there was almost an apology. He smiled courteously, but the lack of sleep had taken most of his charm away. He could only think how off he must have looked. Nonetheless he walked towards Finn's bed. He had came to check on his friend and he was going to do that. There was nothing to feel ashamed off. Even when he did chose to come to check on Finn on the middle of the night instead of during visiting hours. Fortunately the staff just looked the other way. There were some perks with being Poe Dameron.

 

He could see the General scribbling something on her folder carefully, and then again placing it under her arm. She and the nurse exchanged some words, and the later left. Soon the General made her way to Finn's bed as well.

 

Poe didn't want to look away, but he felt suddenly very uncomfortable. The chagrin on the General's eyes was foreboding, and he didn't have a clue of how to deal with that.

 

“I- I think I have to apologize.” She said with stately dignity carrying her tormented tone. Poe had no idea what was going on.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

She took a deep breath, her eyes falling on Finn's sleeping face. “It was my son who did this.” She placed her hand on Finn's forehead, the gesture breathtakingly motherly. She then looked up, her eyes pleadingly looking for Poe's. “It was also my son who did you harm. I am so, so sorry.”

 

Poe was taken aback for exactly one moment before his stare hardened. “He might be your son, General. But he is not your responsibility. No one here thinks it's your fault.”

 

“Not openly, no. But closed mouths don't mean trusting hearts.” She replied with a mirthless laugh that did nothing to hide the sorrow in her eyes.

 

“I'd make sure their mouths got what they deserved otherwise.” Poe grinned, dangerously, and for a moment he felt like himself. There was something wistful on General Organa's face, and she let out a small sigh.

 

“There's little we can do to change the past. But we can choose how we face the future.” She paused. “Or at least that's what Luke loved to say.” She rolled her eyes with loving exasperation. “But, he was right. We can't let fear control us, we can't let fear turn into hate.” Poe looked away, but her gentle hand turned his gaze back to her. “For what my son did to you, I apologize.” He tried to protest, but she continued. “Shh. Quiet. I'm talking. I can't undo what he did to you, nor what he did to Finn.” She looked at the sleeping man with a smile. “But he'll heal, with time. As will you too _Little Poe.”_

 

He looked at Finn. He wanted to believe, he really wanted to. But he could still feel the shadows on the back of his mind. The General's hand leaned on his cheek, and she lead his eyes to hers. “I can't undo what my son did to you, but I can help you rest. And that's always a start.” Her eyes were dark, warm, as was her hand on his face. He could almost feel his body giving up, but he fought it, fearing the nightmares in his own mind.

 

“Sleep well and dream something nice.” She said with a smile, even when he _knew_ it was a command.

 

*****

 

“You are a good man, Finn” Poe said, unable to compose himself truly, but enough to not say what he really wanted. He did look good in his jacket, he did look _so damn fine._ He licked his lips, that, he could not avoid, thinking of how much better Finn would look without clothes on. And then he saw, Finn's eyes, dark like the earth, scorching like a star. Hungry like a beast. Finn's lips were damp, so slightly parted he could feel his quickening breath on his face. He was closer now, so much he could see the beauty of every feature in his face. Finn moved his inviting lips, and he could almost hear him, _almost._ But it was even lower than a whisper, and Poe couldn't even think straight with the heat of those eyes looking _through_ him. He felt on fire, but even so it wasn't enough. He needed more, he needed to _touch._ Finn's lips moved again, and he could hear him now.

 

“-arm'stiff”

 

Poe opened his eyes, with not a clue where he was. He only knew his back hurt like hell, and that his pants felt altogether too damn tight.

 

“Poe, my arm is stiff.” He jolted up, he was sitting next to Finn's bed; he had dozed off, and he had fallen sleep on top of Finn's arm-

 

And Finn was awake.

 

“Your vitals seem to be within normal parameters, and your healing has progressed within the expected range. Congratulations on your recovery.” The mechanical voice said almost chirpily. “A nurse will be with you within the next minutes for your comfort. We'll have your results within the hour.” And with that the medical droid left, leaving Poe still wide open eyes looking at Finn. Who was awake.

 

Finn was awake.

 

“Hey.” Finn said, and his voice sounded raspy. He took a swig of water from the cup on his other hand, and put it on the table. He rubbed his stiff hand -the one Poe had been using as a pillow- his eyes still focusing to the light.

 

“Sorry for drooling on you.” Poe mustered, and he showed enough teeth to fake a smile. Finn returned it groggily, but genuinely. They looked at each other for a moment, before reality set in.

 

“Poe, where is Rey?” Finn asked, suddenly agitated. But before he could freak out, Poe had a hold on his hands.

 

“Hey, she's alright, okay? She's not here, but she's alright”

 

“Where is she? Did she went back to Jakku?” He said, with too much despair, and for some reason it bothered Poe. He shook his head, both as a reply and to clear his thoughts.

 

“No buddy. She went to find Luke Skywalker.” Finn seemed at a loss at this, but Poe only smiled before continuing. “She's a Jedi.”

 

“Right.” Finn snapped, as if he remembered. “Yes, of course.” He stared blandly to the wall for a second. “She's a Jedi?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Are you sure? Are we sure?”

 

“Yep. She's the real deal.” Poe nodded reverently.

 

“Cool.” Finn nodded, his eyes still too wide.

 

“And she made me promise to tell you thanks, for saving her.”

 

“I really didn't-” But Poe grasped his wrist more firmly.

 

“She insisted. _Thank you_.” Poe said solemnly and then smiled, feeling so much like his usual cocky self. He blinked, he felt _rested._ He looked at the clock on the wall and it was almost four in the afternoon. He had slept almost twelve hours.

 

“Are _you_ okay?” Finn asked when he say Poe stretching painfully, he was definitely not as young anymore.

 

“Better than I have been the last few days actually!”

 

“You sure?” Finn asked quizzically, studying Poe's features. He was disheveled, sporting a three day beard and dark bags under his eyes.

 

“Trust me, I look awesome.” Poe said without a hint of irony. He leaned right until he heard his hip literally pop, and Finn widened his eyes in shock. “It does that sometimes.”

 

“You should be sleeping on your bed.” Finn looked away, a hint of shame in his voice. Poe tried to look innocent, but Finn continued. “The droid told me you have spent almost every night here. And I've been here for nine days.”

 

Poe tried to charm his way out, to tell him to not sweat it, that it was nothing and not to worry. But then Finn looked at him, almost with reproach, and something else. And for some reason, honesty felt like the only answer.

 

He leaned back on his chair, letting go of Finn's hand -and he hadn't even noticed he was still holding it- and let out a sigh. “Believe me pal, I was better of with you keeping me company.” Poe scratched the side of his face, Finn's eyes looking at him still, but now calmer. “After things quieted down; I haven't been very good at sleeping. I guess Kylo Ren really did a number in my head”

 

“I'm sorry” Finn said, and Poe started to say _Nah, it's cool_. But Finn's face was so stern, so truly apologetic. “I should have get you out of there before-”

 

And then Poe was on his feet, leaning on the bed and on Finn, holding his shoulders and his gaze. “Hey. Hey. Without you, I wouldn't be here anymore at all. Do you know how crazy grateful I am of you? I'm gonna do your chores for a year.” The moment hanged, their eyes locked, and it suddenly felt charged. Finn gulped, caught off guard, and Poe felt his stomach twist. He tapped Finn's shoulder suddenly, looking away for a second and breaking the spell. Finn smiled more confidently this time, before realizing something.

 

“I have to do chores? Please don't let it be sanitation.”

 


	2. Part Two

It was good to have Finn back, so good. Sure, he did spend a lot of his time being debriefed. As soon as he was able to walk, General Organa had came personally to thank him, and apologize for the little time he was gonna have to just rest; but that there was much to discuss about the intel he could share with the Resistance. Even though Poe believed Finn should be only concerned about resting and that the General was riding him too hard, Finn felt it was his duty.

 

“You don't have to earn your keep Finn. You already did.” Poe said one day when Finn was returning to his guest quarters. -which alright, they were the best in the base, generally used by dignitaries so the General was certainly treating Finn nicely- Finn had just shook his head and with some difficulty attempted to disrobe to get himself to bed. “Let me” Poe had jumped in before Finn could have objected, and with care helped him to the bed.

 

“Oh that's nice.” Finn said to himself, running his hand on the mattress. Poe wondered how did even Stormtroopers sleep. Finn yawned, obviously tired. He still tired easily.

 

“You have to rest more, I'll tell the General-” Poe stopped when he saw Finn's expression. It was a mixture of exasperation and fondness that made Poe catch his breath.

 

“I can handle it.” Finn said determined. “And I don't think that even Poe Dameron can go give General Organa orders.”

 

 _For you I would._ Poe snapped from that thought and instead shook his head, flashing a smirk instead. “Well, that's fair.” Finn smiled, and soon the tiredness came over him. He was fast sleep within moments and Poe could only watch him. Between his therapy, the meetings with the General and sleeping, there was little time for Poe to actually spend time with Finn. And the little time they did spend together, almost inevitable ended up gravitating to _What do you think Rey's doing?_

 

Poe Dameron wasn't a petty man, and it was so _good_ to have Finn back; but he couldn't deny he'd rather watch Finn sleep than keep talking about Rey with him.

 

Maybe he was indeed a bit petty.

 

*****

 

“Sedation will wear off in a couple of minutes. You can take him back to his room once he wakes up. I advise you keep an eye on him.” The Medical droid sounded a bit exasperated.

 

“I _will._ You can't blame him for not wanting to spend more than necessary down here.” Poe said with a hint of charm that was absolutely lost in the medical droid.

 

“What's wrong with down here? This infirmary is lovely.” The droid _huffed_ and left, indignant. Poe could only smirk. He sat down next to Finn's resting form and he felt calm, as he often found himself next to Finn. Even when the dread of night kept him from getting enough rest, these moments watching Finn sleep where enough. Specially when most of the time he ended up dozing off himself, and having far better dreams with Finn close by.

 

“All the nights I spent watching over Han. Let me tell you, not kind at all with my hip. But they were worth it.” The General appeared almost from nowhere, had he dozed off? He quickly saluted her before he realized the implication.

 

“Uh, well, I think it's not the same situation altogether, at all.” Poe replied too defensively, and he didn't know why.

 

“It isn't? I could swear it is.” The General remarked off-handedly and sat next to Poe. “Well, regardless of the _minutia,_ you are the closest person to Finn on this base; he hasn't been quick to make friends, understandably.”

 

“Are you really that concerned that the new kid isn't getting along with the rest of the class?” Poe asked with a bit of an edge, and the General smiled in return, even more sharply.

 

“I do care about his well being. Even when one of the reasons is it would be unwise to alienate one of the best assets we have gotten in years.”

 

“Pragmatic.” Poe said brusquely, almost overwhelmed by a sense of protectiveness.

 

“You know it's a necessity.” She shook her head almost menacingly, daring Poe to retort. But she was right, so he could only bite his tongue. “I _do_ care, Poe” She repeated, genuinely. “That's why I think it's best for him to move to regular quarters. We have to start making him feel like he belongs, we can't keep him locked away.”

 

“I'm not sure he's ready. You said it yourself, he hasn't have time to get to know anyone, he can't move in the barracks, who knows with whom he'd had to bunk.”

 

“Oh I agree. Not everyone is thrilled with Finn, and we will deal with that in time.” And the General then ever so slightly bent her head, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “But I do know with whom he should bunk, you know, he only has one person here he's really close to.”

 

Poe looked up, and the General gave him the biggest smirk he had ever seen from her.

  


*****

 

BB-8 rolled into Poe's quarters unannounced, purposefully. It looked around, noticing how the spare bunk-bed was now de-cluttered from the spare parts and pulp mags Poe loved to keep around. So when Poe entered the room, and saw BB-8 standing there, almost judging, he couldn't help actually feel awkward.

 

To say Poe had been avoiding BB-8 would have been an exaggeration. But not by much. After his role on the destruction of the Starkiller base, Poe had been given some much needed time off, although he was sure it was more due to his time as Ren's prisoner than anything. Wexley and Pava still had to show off to work, and he was sure they were covering for him. But they just kept telling him he deserved the rest and to stop bothering them. So Poe spent little time on the hangar these days

 

So when now BB-8 showed up, Poe could knew for sure what was going on.

 

“Look, I know I've been quiet these last few days. Sorry for not checking enough with you” Poe tried to be conciliatory, he was ready to grovel, but BB-8 was having none of it and replied with a tirade of hostile beeps.

 

“Don't call me a liar! Alright, I am going through some stuff, it doesn't mean I have to tell you everything about it.” Poe spat, and now BB-8 beeped sadly in return.

 

“Of course you are my friend BB-8.” Poe sighed and knelt before his droid. “Look, it's not about you pal. I, I just have to sort these things out by myself. You know how I don't like to talk these things, specially with you, little worrier.” BB-8 asked with a short beep, and Poe had to think for a while.

 

“That's fair. I'll keep you posted, but you have to accept there's not a lot you can do to fix me. Us meat people sometimes can only be fixed with time.” BB-8 nodded carefully, seemingly accepting the answer. Just when Poe was relaxing and hoping things were okay now, BB-8 beeped again, cheerfully.

 

“No, Finn is moving here because it's better for him to have company.” Poe said, avoiding BB-8's lens. He stood up, and continued to tidy up the place. BB-8 beeped again, and Poe dropped the carburetor he was holding. “It doesn't matter if people tell you he's my boyfriend, he's not!” Poe answered perhaps too loudly, and BB-8 cowed a little. Before Poe could apologize, his mind froze. “Who's been telling you Finn's my boyfriend?”

 

 

*****

 

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Finn asked as Poe groggily opened his eyes. He was having the most wonderful dream. And now having Finn's dark eyes looking at him gave him a feeling of deja-vu, or perhaps he hadn't really woken up at all, and he could keep kissing Finn like there was no tomorrow. He smiled, still half asleep, but it wasn't until he smelled the freshly brewed, strong coffee that he realized he was awake.

 

“No, no. I was already awake.” Poe lied as he sat on his bed, rubbing his eyes trying to push the dream away, as much as he really wanted to dwell on it. Finn smiled, handing the cup to Poe who received it reverently. It smelled delicious. “Is it vine-coffee? Were did you get it?” He took a sip and damn, it was. Strong and delicious, and sweetened just like he liked it.

 

“Yeah, Jessika gave me some. Apparently she likes me a lot for saving you.” Finn sat on the chair next to Poe's bed and grabbed his own cup. He was only wearing pants and a shirt, the morning already too warm for the season. The light seeped from the blinds over him, surrounding him with the morning light. He looked beautiful. “I'm gonna save some for when Rey gets back. I bet she'd like it.” Poe took another sip, and it suddenly was a lot more bitter.

 

“So, have you heard anything from her?” Poe asked trying to not care, trying to be the good friend he wanted to be, even if the bitterness he felt was starting to make his stomach actually churn.

 

“Well, she reached the star system were Skywalker is supposed to be, we actually got to talk a bit before she headed off to the planet.” Finn said wistfully, sipping his cup. “She'll be alright.”

 

“She will.” Poe said without looking, not drinking his coffee, loosing himself in his more petty thoughts.

 

“Don't you like the coffee? Did I put to much sugar on it?” Finn asked, scratching his face, somewhat embarrassed. “I asked BB-8 how you liked it, maybe my binary isn't getting any better.” Poe looked up, and Finn was almost _flustered,_ and he couldn't help himself to smile. He took another sip, and suddenly it did taste better.

 

“It's perfect”

 

 

*****

 

Days passed slowly after Poe had returned to the hangar, although he was not given any assignments, surprisingly so. Wexley had gone into a supply run that would have really been his, but Poe couldn't complain if it meant spending more time with Finn. For the time being, the two of them were mostly working in maintenance, with Poe doing test flights, and Finn learning more and more about ships by the day. Also BB-8 was incredibly chirpy, and Poe was not sure what was that all about.

 

Finn was slowly growing more accustomed to the base, actually getting to talk to people. Lieutenant Ko had very _graciously_ offered to show Finn around the different areas, beating Poe to it. Although there was a lot of people that weren't too keen on having a defecting stormtrooper on the base, a lot of other people really appreciated what Finn had given up and done for the Resistance. Surviving an encounter with Kylo Ren also didn't hurt his reputation. So he did have some admirers, and Poe started to keep an eye open, specially for Kydel Ko, who made no effort to hide her attraction for Finn.

 

“Well, if you have some free time later, just look me up.” She winked at Finn and walked away, and Poe didn't know what he disliked more, that _she dared,_ or that _he_ _didn't._ Finn would only smile, but not timidly, _knowing,_ and that kinda bothered Poe in another way altogether. They continued to work on the retrofitted TIE/sf controls -Finn had turned out to be very adept at understanding the First Order technologies, so for the time being, he spent his time in the hangar working with Poe- Finn humming happily. Poe let out a sigh, he knew his bitterness was of no good.

 

“You know, she is a good gal. You could take her up in her offer.”

 

“She's cute. But she's not my type.”

 

“You have a type?” Poe asked incredulously. He had actually never given much consideration at how dating worked on the First Order.

 

Finn laughed. “It might surprise you, but there was a lot of stuff the captains let slide as long as it didn't have an impact in your efficiency. Out of mind, Out of sight.”

 

“I can't believe that! And here I was thinking you guys had a chastity vow.”

 

“Nope. If so, I'd say we would have a lot more defectors.” Finn smirked. His face was dirty and covered in grease, and Poe had to stop himself to keep describing him as lovely in his head.

 

“I knew the First Order had women on it.” Poe started talking again, mostly to keep away from his thoughts. “Didn't figure there were enough to be an actual dating pool.”

 

“Actually there aren't a lot.” Finn looked at Poe, and it was not a casual glance. He clasped the wrench on Poe's now limp hand. “But that wasn't _that_ relevant to me.” Finn then took the wrench from Poe's hand and continued working, humming.

 

That was the first time Finn let Poe speechless.

 

*****

 

It was too easy how well Finn fit into Poe's routine, into his life. Finn either spent his time shadowing Poe and BB-8 on the hangar, learning, or in the shooting range. He was actually an ace with a blaster, so there wasn't a lot of improvement to be had in that area. And from time to time, he was summoned by the General to continue his debriefing.

 

General Organa had considered joining Finn to a ground squad to make best use of his talents, but the question if Finn would be readily accepted by his fellow soldiers still lingered. For the time being he was to remain working on the hangar with Poe, but the idea to move him to the control room on a more permanent basis was already taking shape, and Poe wasn't too keen on that to be honest.

 

But for the time being, Poe let himself enjoy the routine of having Finn on his life. He always woke him up in the mornings with something hot to drink -sometimes a strong vine-coffee that Poe kept wondering were he got it from when Jessika said she hadn't gotten any more- then they'd go to the lockers and grab a shower. At first Poe tried to come up with excuses to go first or after, but it ended up being more suspicious. So he just settled for not looking at Finn at all. Then they'd go to the mess hall to grab something to eat, and then work most of the day on the hangar, with Poe often doing training exercises and test runs, which Finn came with from time to time. When it was just the three of them, with BB-8 making comforting chatter, and Finn laughing, Poe couldn't help but smile and savor the moment.

 

And at night's, when Kylo Ren managed to turn his dreams into nightmares and jolt him awake in fear and despair, Finn was there. At first just a comforting presence, but later holding him and calming him down. Now it was the scent of Finn's skin and the strength of his arms what brought him back, and Poe held to them for dear life until it passed. Afterwards Finn would return to his bed, and with each episode, Poe was less and less confused about what he felt. He was undoubtedly falling win love with Finn.

 

*****

 

 

Perhaps Finn wasn't in love with Rey. Or perhaps Poe was just deluding himself. For every time he thought Finn's devotion to her was just platonic, it would also mean that the times Finn looked at him a _certain way_ could be as well, and Finn was just a damn awesome person that simply cared for his friends.

 

“She was the first one that saw me like a human being.” Finn had said, and that stung Poe a bit, maybe more than that. And specially because it was true. The first time he saw Finn, he wasn't a person, he was just another blank mask, and he literally didn't have a name. So Poe offered him one, and Finn had liked it, didn't that count? But Finn was right, Rey had seen him as a person, Poe as an asset, and that was simply the truth. Now, was there a way for Finn to know that Poe saw him as so much more now? If he didn't feel the same way, then that would be that, and they could move on, and Poe could almost accept that. But what if he did get to hold Finn in his arms and call him _his,_ knowing that Finn would truly be _hers?_ That was altogether a crueler thought.

 

Still, having Finn in his life, spending his days with him, filling the void of loneliness that no amount of casual encounters could fill, it was enough for now. He'd rather have Finn as a friend that not have him at all.

 

“I mean, just imagine that” Jessika spoke wistfully as she tagged along with Poe and Finn to the mess hall for lunch. “To be there, fighting alongside Luke Skywalker. And now Rey gets to train under him. I'm so damn jealous.”

 

“Hey, working with General Organa is not so shabby either, Jess.” Poe interjected, he would always be a Princess Leia admirer after all.

 

“True, true.” She said agreeing. “But what can I say? A light saber it's too freaking cool” She then gave Finn a mock envious look. “And you got to wield Luke Skywalker's. Damn, I hate you.”

 

“Hey, if you want to go back and switch, fine by me!” He said raising his arms, but smiling.

 

“A scar _would_ give me some badass rep.” She smirked and playfully punched Finn on the arm.

 

They kept ribbing at each other as they passed a group of soldiers in the hallway. It was just a second, a hateful smirk and a lewd motion of the tongue directed at Finn and Poe, and the following explosive laugh. Poe turned around defiantly, but Jessika reined him in.

 

“Come on, let them be. Rand has always been jealous of you, he just found a new way to piss you off.” She said, but Poe remained staring at the group, still struggling to just not go off on them. Her comm went off, and she cursed silently. “Gotta go.”

 

“Something wrong?” Finn asked, but she just shook her head.

 

“Nothing to worry about. Wexley will be the death of me, that's all” She smiled to Finn, but gave Poe a firm nod. “Keep it cool.” And with that she was gone. Finn then turned to Poe, who was still unable to school the anger on his face. But Finn kept looking at him, and he couldn't remain silent.

 

“It just pisses me off these assholes think they get to say shit about you.” Poe said indignant, trying to shake the anger away.

 

“Is it that awful to you, what they say?” Finn asked, and his expression was unreadable. Poe didn't have a clue what to respond, so he spoke anyway.

 

“Come on, it's not that. It just how they say it, as if it was a bad thing” Poe scratched his head awkwardly, hiding in the gesture from Finn's interested eyes.

 

“So you don't think it's a bad thing, Poe Dameron?” And Finn was closer, and his tone was defiant, and in his lips there was almost the ghost of a smirk, and Poe literally had no idea what to say to that. So he spoke anyway.

 

“Don't think so?” He gulped hard, Finn's eyes now boring into his. But Poe remained silent, and Finn huffed frustrated.

 

“Man, I can't keep waiting for you to make a move.” And for a moment Poe thought Finn was going to close the distance and kiss him, but instead turned around and walked away.

 

Poe stood still, mouth slightly open, wondering what the hell had happened.

 

*****

 

That evening, Poe lingered in the hangar as late as it could. The General had called for Finn after lunch, so he had been out of the hangar for the rest of the day. Seeing his crestfallen face, Jessika had asked him what had happened, but he still wasn't sure, so he could only answer. “I think I messed up.” It wasn't until late that evening, after BB-8 probed him to get out with an incessant tirade of beeping, that he did, reluctantly so.

 

When he got to their quarters, Finn was already in bed, so Poe thought that would be it, and tomorrow they would pretend nothing happened. But as soon he carefully closed the door behind him, Finn turned on the light, his eyes glittering by the reflection of the lamp.

 

“Didn't mean to wake you up.” Poe said lamely, unable to step forward. Finn didn't answer, he just stood up, but keeping his distance from Poe. “Look, I didn't mean to-” But Poe really had no idea what to say, and it happened too damn often when it came to Finn. He shut his mouth, and just shook his head, admitting defeat.

 

“Come on Dameron. I know how you look at me. I know how you avoid looking at me. I've got eyes.” Finn said, and they were the things Poe _dreamed_ to hear, but they sounded wrong, they sounded angry. “But you won't do anything.- Is there something wrong with me?” Finn asked, and Poe stared in unbelief. Finn's stare was intense, the dim light etching shadows on his features. There was a hint of hurt in his eyes, but everything was overshadowed by resentment, and Poe still wasn't sure what was all that about.

 

“Of course not. You, you are kinda perfect.” Poe smirked, but Finn remained serious. He scratched the back of his neck, unsure, lost. Finn's eyes hardened.

 

“What is it then?” Finn said frustrated. “I though we- I can't be that wrong. Is it because I'm always gonna be a number to you?” and Poe felt like he was punched in the chest and left with no air in his lungs. No, no, no. Poe's mind was racing. Had been so wrapped on his silly thoughts, his dread of the night, his petty jealousy of Rey that he had completely failed to notice Finn's own turmoil? That was so damn wrong.

 

“No, no.” Poe closed the distance and hugged him as close as he could, almost painfully. “You got it all wrong.” He admitted, feeling the knot building up in his throat. “Can't you see how damn much I care for you? Maybe more than anything, more than anyone and that scares the fuck out of me.” What was the point to deny that? His fears, real or not didn't matter. He was in love with Finn and there was nothing he could do.

 

Finn let out a sob, a gasp escaping from his throat. “That so?.” It was barely a gasp, he hugged back fiercely, his strong arms circling Poe's waist and the pressure was tantalizing and intoxicating. “Then why are we wasting time? Then why do you let me make a fool of myself” Finn gave out a hysterical little laugh. “Thinking you might not be the amazing guy I can't stop thinking of?” He continued to chuckle nervously, and Poe would have laughed too, but he had to accept that his fears were still around. He let Finn's laugh dissipate, and then broke to hug. He grabbed Finn's hand, feeling the callouses in his palm and the softness in the back. He smiled, but he knew it was a sad one, and Finn knew as well when his face became a question. Poe wanted to just loose himself into those eyes, to loose himself in Finn and get rid of all those damned clothes that were in the way.

 

“Finn.” But he couldn't. He had already jumped once without looking at the consequences and that still hurt. He wouldn't let himself go when his fear had a name. “What about Rey?” Finn opened his mouth as if to say something, but no sound came out. Poe smiled, his charming smile broken unable to hide his pain, but the confusion in Finn's mind was his fear came to life. Poe wanted to let go of Finn's hand, but he didn't let him. Finn sighed, and gently sat in the bed, guiding Poe to do so next to him. They remained in silence, Finn's mind racing trying to find what he wanted to say.

 

“Rey and I” Finn started, still trying out the words, seeing if they fit. “We went through something huge together. I care a lot for her. She inspired me in a moment where I could have just given up. I would fight by her side, I would die for her.” And as he said that, it almost felt like a revelation. “I owe her a lot Poe, and I'm not gonna lie; maybe if things had been different-” Finn's eyes searched the horizon, but came back empty. “But they aren't. She has a fate to go find, and, and I have something as good. Maybe better.” He looked down, a shy smile in his lips. “Poe Dameron, I've never had anything in my life, not even a name. Then you came along, and you gave me one, and then you gave me your jacket. Well, I borrowed it” Poe let out a small laugh to that. “And then so much more you don't even know. But I want more, I want you Poe, and an if and a maybe don't even compare to you; you are the real damn thing _Poe Dameron_.” Finn rested his forehead on Poe's, the muscles in his back relaxing, as if a weight had been finally lifted.

 

“Wow.” Poe finally let out, a genuine smirk etched on his lips, indelible. It was possible to be this damn lucky? To find a man like this in the middle of all the terrible that was the First Order? A man so awesome that even being raised by the worst people in the galaxy couldn't change his immutable good nature? Did he even deserve someone as incredible as Finn?. “I don't think I deserve you.” Poe shook his head, his smile still there but more sober.

 

“Bullshit, Poe Dameron; you deserve the universe.” And Finn looked up, and the awe for Poe was so genuine, so tangible, that he couldn't help himself from believing it. Maybe he deserved this, maybe they deserved this as long as it lasted. Their lips met hurriedly, their mouths hungry like inexperienced youths drunk on sensation. Maybe they were. There wasn't enough exposed skin, so they rapidly tore each others clothes off, without regard, the need to touch devastating and almost painful. Poe dove into Finn's neck, his scent irresistibly masculine it threatened to make Poe growl; he wanted him, he needed him, he needed him so damn much. He looked up, Finn's eyes glassed over by desire, his firm hands unashamedly running down's Poe's back. He was perfect, he was everything. He wanted him, he needed him, he loved him so damn much.

 

There would be time to say those words, but not that night. For that night Poe Dameron and Finn where going to chase the shadows away.

 

*****

o

*****

 

General Leia Organa nodded politely as two soldiers passed her. She walked slowly, enjoying the stroll that took her out of meetings in the morning. Life went by, the universe went by, and she wasn't finished yet. So she just had to keep going, one day at the time, doing what she was truly best at. _Isn't it, Han?_ As she turned around the corner, she could see Poe Dameron and Finn, walking side by side, smiling, laughing; unable to keep their hands from each other. Poe took notice of her first, and suddenly tried to sober himself, failing miserably to conjure any air of professionalism.

 

“General Organa, good morning.” Poe said, barely stopping himself from clearing his throat.

 

“Well, don't you two look a bit tired.” She said with feigned concern. Finn looked down, unable to face her, and Poe's attempt wasn't all that better. “Is your sleeping arrangement not comfortable for you two?”

 

“Perfectly comfortable ma'am.” Finn answered without even looking up, Poe answered with a overenthusiastic nod.

 

“Is that so?” She stared at them. “I don't know. I'll see if I can put a request for a larger cot for you two.” She walked past them, not before taking a moment to enjoy their faces draining of blood. She paused, and turned around to their backs, tapping her finger to her chin. “You know, something sturdier.” Their synchronized flinch gave her a smile that would last her for the rest of the day.

 

“Th-thank you General” Poe muttered, before he and Finn darted off to stew in their embarrassment somewhere else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and hope you liked it :D


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